Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The best revenge is premature balding
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
