Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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