well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
