When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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