i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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