I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
