HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
