The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I currently don't understand fingers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
