That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
