He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
