I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
