God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
