sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
