were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
