I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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