I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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