just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
