the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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