yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
