I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
