He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
