i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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