Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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