I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
