I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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