i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
