Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
