She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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