Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
