Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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