i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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