I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
