you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
