Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
