pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
