she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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