i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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