he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
