May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
