So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
