So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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