I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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