wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
