i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
