My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
