the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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