PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
