There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
