i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
