Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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