You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
