That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
