nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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