My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
