It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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