my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
