do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My penis needs a shock collar
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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