Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
