But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize