I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
