the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
im on a boat
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