I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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