Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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