Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize