I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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