I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
