Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
