I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
