piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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