Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
