Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
