You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
