Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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