OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
