I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
