did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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