she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
