He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
