and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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