After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Found the puke drawer
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
