Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
